What to Do About Child Custody While Separated
When couples separate it is important for kids to know that both their parents still love and care for them. Depending on the age of your children, their temperaments, and their developmental needs, this could mean weekly visitation or even routine check-ins on the phone. But in that time between separation and a final child custody agreement or order, structuring each parent’s time with the children can be difficult. Here is what to do about child custody while separated.
You’re Separating from Your Spouse, Not Your Children
Separation and divorce are very hard on children. Younger kids can feel abandoned by a parent who moves out or feel like they are to blame for the relationship failing. They may try to “fix” the situation, bringing their parents back together. Older kids and teens, who have begun to develop identities separate from their parents, may feel resentful or take sides in a divorce, adding to the animosity and stress.
The best way to minimize the effect of separation on your children is to give them a clear, predictable plan for how they will stay connected with both parents. This means, long before you file for divorce, you and your spouse will need to decide what to do about child custody during your separation.
What Are Your Options for Child Custody While Separate?
As parents, you and your spouse know what is best for your children. You know their routines, how they adapt to change, and whether they need additional structure. You also know your own limits, work schedules, and preferences when it comes to parenting.
Fortunately, parents may agree on just about any child custody arrangements that suit their needs, includes visitation with both parents, and is in the children’s best interests. Common visitation schedules include:
Week On / Week Off
Where kids stay with each parent for a week at a time and visitation exchanges happen on the same day each week.
2-2-3 Schedule
Where each parent has two weeknights and then alternate weekends with the children.
Weekend Visitation
Where one parent is the sole custodian during the week and the other exercises visitation on specific weekends.
School Breaks and Summers
Where one parent is the sole custodian during the school year and the other exercises visitation during school breaks (this is most often used when a parent moves out of state).
You can also build telephone or electronic visitation into your parenting plan. This might mean a short nightly call before bed, or longer video chats in the middle of an extended visitation period. In any case, your children should be allowed to call, text, or communicate with you whenever they need to.
How to Negotiate a Child Custody Settlement Agreement
The key to negotiating a child custody arrangement for your separation is putting your kids’ needs first.
However, if you don’t have the same priorities, or are unable to resolve matters on your own, a North Carolina family law attorney can help you brainstorm solutions and advocate for your preferred schedule. You can also schedule a pre-divorce mediation to work through issues like:
- Child custody and parenting plans
- Child support and post-separation support
- Property division
The resulting settlement agreement will give your whole family a guide to life during separation and speed you along toward an absolute divorce once your one year separation period is over.
What to Do If You Can’t Agree on Child Custody
In high-conflict cases, or whenever you and your spouse can’t agree on what to do about child custody during separation, you can also ask the court to hold a temporary custody hearing. The hearing is limited in time, but it gives you an opportunity to show the Judge why it is in the child’s best interest to live with you. A North Carolina family court judge will order a custody schedule for the child’s welfare that will stay in place until a permanent order is entered later in the proceeding.
At the Cox Law Firm, our family law attorneys know how to help you settle on a child custody arrangement that works for your family. We will help you negotiate clear child custody and visitation schedules and can represent you in court if the need arises. We also provide child custody mediation services. Melanie D. Cox is a North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission Certified Family Financial Mediator and trained to mediate custody and financial issues. If you are ready to get started, please get in touch with the Cox Law Firm by calling 704-243-9693 or visiting our Contact Page.