7 Tips to Avoid Co-Parenting Failure
Many parents agree to – or are ordered to – share custody of their children after their marriage or relationship ends. Children do best when they have support from two loving parents. That means you need to work with your ex-spouse or former partner to avoid co-parenting failure that will send you back to court. For parents that have a very difficult time communicating about the children and co-parenting, a parenting coordinator can be appointed by consent or by the court. However, most parents can be successful on their own when following these tips:
1. Put Your Child’s Needs First
Parents often say they will do anything for their kids. However, when talking with an ex-spouse or former partner, old grudges and resentment can easily take priority. Commit to putting your child’s needs first. Work with them like a business partner in the joint venture of raising happy and healthy children. If necessary, work with a therapist or counselor to resolve your own feelings, rather than letting them affect your child or your co-parenting arrangement.
2. Commit to Open Communication Between Co-Parents
Secrets are toxic to any relationship. When that relationship involves a history of divorce or breakup, missing information can easily lead to co-parenting failure. Be open with your co-parent about anything child related. You may have good reason to protect your own privacy, but when it comes to your children, both co-parents should take a position of oversharing instead of controlling information.
3. Be Flexible to Avoid Co-Parenting Failure
Your visitation schedule is a guideline that provides predictability and stability for you and your children. However, stability isn’t the same as rigidity. If a child or parent gets sick, or a business trip would overlap with visitation, everyone benefits from co-parents being flexible enough to adapt.
Notice, flexibility must go both ways. If your co-parent is constantly demanding adjustments or failing to live up to your co-parenting agreement you don’t always need to say yes. Go back to Tip #1: put your children first. Will they benefit from you agreeing to yet another schedule change, or do they need you to be firm about when and where they will spend time with both parents?
4. Keep Your Commitments to Your Children
Repeatedly canceling plans or failing to show up for visitation can damage a non-custodial parent’s relationship with their children. If your co-parent is regularly left making excuses for you, your children will suffer, and your co-parent will come to resent it. Take responsibility for your own visitation. Keep your commitments to your children. If something does arise that prevents you from doing so, speak to them about it yourself, rather than leaving it to your co-parent.
5. Build Your Co-Parent Up in Your Kids’ Eyes
There will be times you get frustrated with your co-parent. However, undermining your ex-spouse or former partner by venting about them to your children will only increase your chances of co-parenting failure. Instead, whenever possible, build your kids’ mom or dad up in their eyes. Talk about how proud they must be of him, or how much she loves them. Keep your frustration to yourself or express it to an adult out of their hearing.
6. Follow Your Visitation Order When Disputes Arise
Co-parenting fails when parents are unable to agree on what is best for their kids. When that happens, you must go back to the child custody and visitation orders entered by the court. They are the law for your family until the court says otherwise. You can insist that your co-parent follow the order and you may exercise any decision-making authority or visitation awarded to you under it. Still, be sure to do so in a respectful manner. Otherwise, you may find yourself going back to court.
7. Adjust Your Co-Parenting Plan When Changes Arise
No co-parenting plan can accommodate every change. Co-parents will get married, kids will change schools, you might get a new job or need to move. When changes arise, let your co-parent know as soon as possible. Then work together to consider how the change will affect your co-parenting plan, and what adjustments you can agree to. If you can’t reach an agreement, try mediation prior to asking the Court to step in and modify your child custody and visitation order to resolve the dispute.
At the Cox Law Firm, our experienced and compassionate family law attorneys want to help you avoid co-parenting failure. We will help you negotiate clear child custody and visitation schedules, advocate for sole custody when needed, and assist in modifying your co-parenting plan when life changes. If you are ready to get started, please get in touch with the Cox Law Firm by calling 704-243-9693 or visiting our Contact Page.